Saturday, June 6, 2009

Possession -- the Sequel to "I am Six" (I am SEVEN!)


i know that's completely unoriginal, but it's quite fitting. this was one of the most melodramatic, badly acted, incredibly pretentious episodes to date -- and that's saying a lot given what we've seen from PRS and A$E in the last 15 months.

they start out someplace in kentucky, near the mississippi river (about 5 hours from where the "i am six" family lives in Quincy, Illinois.) there's supposedly a demon with ram horns living in a house down there. evidently it taunted some woman into committing suicide by drowning herself in the river. we know this because chip told us so.

chip coffey taped balls on his face -- yes he did! and headphones over his ears and was in contact with that nasty ole ram-horned demon.

(i'm still confused as to why chip needed the ping-pong balls and headphones, isn't he supposed to be psychic? i mean, he was ALREADY channeling the mean bad-arse demon before putting the balls on his face.)

well -- chip intones that his back is burning and he is six. (six of one, half dozen of another)

probably all too soon for chip's liking, chip's melodramatic camera time gets interrupted by chad kalek's melodramatic camera time. something about chad hearing "3 loud cracks".

i really didn't hear anything, but chad sure seemed scared, so it must have been quite gut wrenching.

and chad has a gut to wrench.

anyhoo -- quite out of the blue -- QUITE COINCIDENTALLY and by complete accident -- ry-ry gets a call from the "i am six" chick's mom that they are just having a really tough time of it up in illinois. the demon is back in their daughter.

well, I'LL BE!

ry-ry informs us via the normal captain kirk monologue that the demon must be using the river to travel and is hooting it up with both of these families.

who knew? a tom sawyer demon! with ram horns!

ryan fluffs off this kentucky family -- he gives them the media priest (hey, if you don't have myspace you're nobody!) and probably some blessed medals and high-tails it for illinois with chip and chad and the intrepid PRS gang in tow. he even calls in LoRay for backup....though i never really saw her do much of anything.

maybe LoRay brought some glass cases to capture the tom sawyer demon in so she could show it in her amytiville museum. she has one. i'm not kidding.

in illinois we find that same family from "i am six". the 26-27 year old woman lara looks a bit woozy, and someone has placed a band-aid over her eyebrow. i think that demon over-tweezed poor lara.

ryan goes into histrionics about saving the family. really bad-acting histrionics. it was almost as painful to watch as chip's bad acting. melodrama ensues. lots of loud screaming prayers. lots of choking from lara. ** i swear when ry-ry first started praying really loudly he looked like he was about to crack up laughing**

ryan DEMANDS that sergay break out the shakti helmet AND the ping pong balls with headset -- he is GOING IN, dammit! sergay balks, he's afraid for his dear leader. but ry-ry insists! he's a warrior!

it was TFF!

ryan-the-brave hears things (we don't), things touch him (of course they do) --- yadda yadda same ole same ole.

lots more loud screaming prayers from the whole gang.

there's a webcast prayer request from the basement (remember that?? we all knew it was a publicity stunt)

(i like this version)

the priest makes it up from kentucky - i'm assuming he didn't take a raft like the tom sawyer demon probably does.

more choking and gasping from lara -- ry-ry jumps in bed with her (dang, he looked a bit HANDSY - i'm wondering why momma-six didn't have some qualms over that.)

eventually, lara heaves a big sigh and all is well - and everyone lights up a smoke. oops, no just kidding about the smoke.

so all is well.....or IS it?

there's surely going to be an "i am eight".

so many of us predicted THIS sequel when we heard about the webcast prayer request from the basement.

there's probably going to be a book and a movie if ry-ry has his way.

what a bunch of media hooo-ers.

i could swear the dad in the family was just completely OVER the whole thing (being on TV, the melodramatics, the fact that his daughter is obviously ill -- most likely mentally and physically.)

poor family.

another one bites the PRS / A$E dust.

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